What prospects for the future?, Teesdale Mercury

What prospects for the future?

Aug 7, 2007

SO that's it, then. Teesdale District Council is, give or take a squeak or two, a dead duck. 

Despite all the referenda, all the paying of bigger salaries to fewer people, all the leaked documents and internal strife, all the inspections and re-inspections, Teesdale's a goner. 

This centralising, bureaucratic government, the most control-freakish bunch of recent history, has decided that the best way to solve complex problems is to do away with a few of them. 

More power concentrated into fewer hands, more decisions about Teesdale being made by people from Peterlee and Hordern Colliery.

It would be easy to say that Teesdale had contributed to its own demise, but I suspect it would have been closed down even if it had been graded ‘Super Heavenly' instead of just plain dismal. 

The internal strife and low standards of recent years have been pretty dispiriting and counter-productive for staff and consumers alike, but other nearby authorities rated much better than Teesdale are to close as well. 

I expect some staff feel like asking: "Why did we bother?" after years of endless inspection, reorganisation and introspection.

 We are now to observe one of the great phenomena of 21st century life, namely the Local Government Reorganisation. 

This is an activity said to be designed to improve services to the public, but which is, in fact, a highly complex and usually very expensive means of getting a new job.

May I offer a few predictions to be referred back to in two years' time:

 1 After the reorganisation there will be more senior managers in the new Super-Deluxe County Durham than in all the existing authorities put together.

 2 There will be fewer people employed in manual trades.

 3. Not one of the present senior postholders at Teesdale District Council will be redundant.  All will have been absorbed into the new structure at their present or a higher salary grade, or will have left for promotion elsewhere.

 4 Some Teesdale staff will be expected to commute long distances to other parts of the county, in keeping with this country's somewhat ambivalent attitude towards saving the environment.

 5 Everyone in the new  system will have a more complex job description and a longer job title than at present.

 6 There will be a great many ‘bonding', ‘team building' and ‘strategy development' weekends at decent hotels.

 7  There will be a sudden upsurge of interest in Barnard Castle Town and many parish councils, largely because of newly-redundant district councillors having nothing to do  any more.

 8  Barnard Castle town centre lavatories will reopen.

 9  The Independents will slowly disappear as a serious political phenomenon.

10 Visitors to the new Durham Area Office, in Galgate will be told that, sadly, the person responsible for dealing with the matter they have enquired about is based in Seaham Harbour and only works Sundays.

11 Council tax will continue to rise by double the rate of inflation.

12 Kevin Pyramid will do very nicely, thank you very much.

13 The new Chief Executive Officer of the Whole World and Durham will announce that the reorganisation has been a ‘resounding success'.

14 In 2023, there will be a ‘much-needed' devolution to districts in Durham.

Barney Liar (first published in the Teesdale Mercury August 1, 2007)